Definitely Definitely Limited © 2018

It’s Time To Stop Pretending

Do you know the feeling, when you almost can’t breathe?

Your mind is racing, your heart is racing, your muscles are tense and your throat is tight.

It’s like someone or something – perhaps even life in fact – is choking you.

Slowly but ever so surely.

Someone who cares sees the alarm in your eyes, and asks if you’re ok. You say you’re fine, even though you’re not. And you keep on trucking.

Ploughing through a life that looks good, great even, on the outside, but on the inside feels like a glorified prison.

You are constantly doing things because you think you “should”, because others, or what you think is your own voice, but you know really isn’t, SAYS you should.

And there is a feeling of constant guilt, because you can never fully please everyone, let alone yourself!

You feel the pull of what your soul really wants, then promptly ignore it, push it away, push it down, sticking to your rational pre-conceived plans and ideas. The “shoulds”.

Then it comes back up again. You push it down again.

Maybe with food, with work, with distraction information/media, shopping, sex, super intense workouts, whatever is available in the moment.

And the hollowness only deepens. You wonder if anyone else can see it, if they’ve noticed the change in you.

Or if it’s only you who feels it following you around, like an inescapable shadow.

The truth is, the anxiety, the hollowness, it’s all a gift.

It’s a calling, telling you to wake the up, stop f***ing around, pretending, and do what you’re really here to do.

To step into your power and your full potential.

IT’S TIME TO STOP PRETENDING.

It’s time to get out of your head and into flow.

It’s time to step into your power.

And not the kind of power that just looks good on paper, but the kind that FEELS LIKE MAGIC.

That ignites and engages every cell in your body and every facet of your soul.

Imagine being able to make ALL your decisions and choices based not on what you think you should do, or chose yesterday, or what looks good on paper, but what you actually crave and deeply desire.

And pssst… want to know the paradox? You’ll end up looking better on paper too. Ha!

There is SO much FIRE and wisdom and flow inside you that you’re not currently accessing or receiving, because you’ve spent far too long now saying f*** you to it.

If someone kept knocking at your door and you kept saying f*** you, do you think they would keep coming back?

Nope.

Here are some of the messages you might have been hearing but doing your best to pretend not to (or straight up saying f*** you to):

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

THIS IS NOT YOUR PASSION.

THIS BUSINESS/JOB IS NOT FOR YOU.

YOU DON’T BELONG AT THIS/A DESK.

THAT PERSON YOU’RE JEALOUS OF – IT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE MEANT TO BE DOING THAT TOO.

YOU ARE WORTHY OF YOUR DREAMS.

THIS RELATIONSHIP IS NOT FOR YOU.

THIS RELATIONSHIP IS AN EPIC IDEA EVEN IF IT TERRIFIES YOU.

YOU BELONG ON THAT STAGE.

THIS FRIEND LOOKS GREAT ON PAPER BUT IS IN ACTUAL FACT NOT FOR YOU AND SUCKS THE LIFE OUT OF YOU.

THIS FRIEND IS A BEAUTIFUL HUMAN BEING WHO ADORES YOU; THIS FEELS GOOD.

IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOU’VE KNOWN THIS PERSON FIVE MINUTES THEY’RE AMAZING AND YOU NEED TO SPEND MORE TIME TOGETHER.

YOU ARE HERE TO WRITE THAT BOOK. TO SHARE YOUR MESSAGE, WIDE AND FAR.

WHAT YOU REALLY NEED RIGHT NOW IS YOGA/LOVE/SEX/FRESH AIR.

YOU NEED TO TAKE A BREAK AND A WALK IN NATURE AND LISTEN TO THE BIRDS SINGING.

DON’T EAT THAT SH*T, EAT THIS GOODNESS!

STOP RESISTING YOUR POWER.

IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO RISE.

YOU ARE DESTINED FOR SO. MUCH. MORE. DON’T YOU SEE?

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO.

And then when you refuse to listen, after not very long:

* Your body hurts

* You feel heavy

* You feel anxious

* You feel uninspired

* You feel inexplicably tired, even if you’ve had loads of sleep

* That amazing sparkle in your eyes dims and you find yourself looking at the floor more instead of the sky – literally and metaphorically – and feeling less optimistic

* You get sick often, and over time chronic illnesses may emerge (visible or invisible)

* You find yourself snapping at people and perhaps even getting downright angry and resentful

* Your creativity appears to have died, and your amazing ideas stop flowing

* You start to droop like a sad dehydrated flower, both physically and spiritually

* The magic of flow eludes you

* You wonder if THIS I really it? If this is all there is?

How do I know? Because for years this was my life, even when it didn’t appear so on the outside.

I too ignored the nudges. Over, and over, and over, and over.

Until I didn’t.

I decided enough was enough, and I began to tune in and step into flow…

More, and more, and more, until I got my Definitely Definitely life. In all areas.

And I know what it takes to get you there too. And what’s available to you on the other side.

Here’s what is available to you when you get into Flow:

* Your body feels amazing all the time, the kind of amazing you used to only feel on holiday

* You eat from the soul and eat only things that make you feel amazing, including entirely random things at times just because your soul said so

* You stop craving anything that doesn’t deeply nourish you: food, experiences, people, environments, anything

* You have more energy than you’ve ever had in your life!

* You magnetise your soulmate people, all over the place, including in the most unexpected and mundane of places, they just keep appearing

* You effortlessly repel people who are not a fit for you and healthy boundaries become SO easy and guilt-free for you

* You get huge and powerful hits of inspiration, flow, creativity and freedom

* You are able to create the situations, experiences and results you REALLY WANT TO CREATE, and 10X faster than ever

* You are an epically inspiring leader, even when you’re not trying or think you’re just chilling

* You stop having to force things or to try so hard to get any given result

* You make more money, and have way more fun doing so

* You feel free in a way you’ve never felt before, like you’ve spent all of your life prior in a prison and now you’re dancing through the meadows like a newly liberated lamb that’s just found its footing

* You are inspired, ignited and UNLEASHED

* You get the life OF YOUR DREAMS

Are you ready for the life of your dreams?

My Definitely Definitely Flow program kicks off July 14th and is for you if you’re yearning for FREEDOM, FLOW AND IMPACT LIKE NEVER BEFORE.

Work with me personally for 4 weeks to harness your power, liberate yourself from the confines of what you think you “should” do, release anxiety, and start creating what your body and soul are truly hungry for, guilt free.

Start jumping out of bed in the morning and feeling fully ignited and on fire, for possibly the first time ever.

It’s what you’re here for and it’s what’s been calling to you all this time.

Message me for details and to learn how to get in.

Spots are limited as you get private client access to me throughout, so message me quickly!

What I Notice About Overwhelm

Many people like to say that overwhelm is a result of doing too many things, ALL of the things even, and never stopping for a breath.

But I’ve noticed something altogether different.

I’ve noticed it’s not actually about the quantity of things you’re doing at all. Sure, doing a million things lacks selectiveness which is essential to a live of thrival. But fundamentally I’ve noticed that it’s never about doing a million things. A number of things only start to feel like a million things, when we’re doing the wrong things. Things that aren’t Definitely Definitelys.

Overwhelm comes up simply when situations start to amass where we haven’t actually listened to what our soul wants to do, but instead we’ve gone along with what we said we’d do or think we should do, or with what the loudest shouting person says they need us to do.

Every time you feel something, good or bad, and you ignore it, and take the opposite action, pushing your feelings down, rejecting them, your soul wails. Weakens. Dims its sparkle. Often silently, for a while. Until suddenly it’s yelling. At the smallest thing. At people you love. And then you’re being who you sure as hell don’t want to be, eating what you don’t really want to eat, taking misaligned actions all over the place, and wondering what happened to the real you? Where did the real you go?

And the more situations where you haven’t expressed yourself or acted in alignment in a given day, week, month, or year, the more the bank of evidence that you do not actually honour or fully respect your feelings or desires, and the more the overwhelm you will feel – in direct correlation – and the more out of alignment your actions will continue to be.

Until that is, you choose to wake up – fully – and decide enough is enough. That you are worthy of a life filled to the brim with Definitely Definitelys, and nothing but them.

And when you do, sure enough after a while, you find yourself in a life when you’re doing only things that you WANT to be doing, only the things that feel aligned. And it really doesn’t matter how much you’re doing. You can be busier than ever, but feeling zero overwhelm. In pure flow. Actually feeling and noticing that the more you do, the more ignited you feel, because every single thing is a hell yes and feeds you, creating a positive feedback loop.

Expressing – and then taking aligned action – on your truth is the number one most essential adjustment to eliminating overwhelm. Saying yes to what you really want to say yes to, and saying no to what you really want to say no to.

If it’s still fairly new to you, as it was to me four years ago, I recommend starting with writing. In the morning, write out what you’re feeling and what you really want to create. Write out anything you feel worried about or that doesn’t feel in alignment (anything that isn’t a Definitely Definitely). Anything that in an ideal world, you wouldn’t be doing anymore.

You won’t necessarily be able to cut out all the the things you want to immediately, it can take time, but even just letting yourself feel what you feel will start to provide a healing release that will shift your energy enormously, and enable you to put the building blocks in place to move away from anything you want to. Which, by the way, can happen faster than you can possibly imagine right now.

Then, practice expressing yourself about both everything you’re delighted about and everything that doesn’t work for you during the day – and in the moment. (Or for older issues that are not yet resolved, ASAP.) This is a muscle that gets stronger and stronger the more you use it.

Then in the evening, reflect again on what worked and didn’t work, what you’d do differently and say yes or no to if you were to start the day again, and start again tomorrow!

P.S. I’m kicking off something I’ve been thinking about for a while that feels sooooooo good (a total Definitely Definitely): a magical in-person mastermind for founders in London to get together every month for amazing food, accountability, problem solving and co-creating. Send me a direct message me if this is speaking to you.

Jaimie

www.definitelydefinitely.com

What Are You Really Craving?

This post was originally published by me a year ago on Facebook, on 12 April 2017. Since it resonated with people so deeply, I’m reposting it here on my blog.

One of the markers you’re truly happy: you’re pulled only to food that’s great for you.

I’ve struggled with eating disorders since the age of 9. For much of that time I’d have irresistible food cravings, and I’d binge on sugar and dairy. For some of that time it was visible externally, but for much it wasn’t, because I’d cover it up with ridiculous amounts of exercise and fat burning supplements.

Now I’m a certified health coach, and for the last year (and for much of the last 4 years), I’ve eaten clean, fresh and often organic food most of the time. But for my first 3 months after returning to London from New York, I was struggling in silence with reverse culture shock, feeling isolated amidst the pressures of entrepreneurship and finding my feet again, and it happened again. Those insatiable urges. You’d think I’d never eaten before. And it finally really hit me.

Not just that positive emotions, relationships, purpose, balance, and time in nature are as much food as real food, but that very specifically, we’re pulled to sugar when we’re searching for emotional sweetness, and dairy for serenity – which is incredibly effective at alleviating anxiety.

Each time I’ve committed to finding ways to get more sweetness, more emotional connection and serenity in my life that don’t involve food, those food cravings have stopped. And as soon as I stop making my emotional needs a priority, they return.

If you’re craving bad food or even giving into it, whether for the first time or whether it’s so normal you barely even question it anymore, whatever you do don’t judge yourself. Look at yourself with the compassion you would show a friend and ask yourself what’s really going on. Go on an emotional treasure hunt. Ask yourself what’s really missing. Because it’s almost certainly not food.

And if it’s sugar, ask yourself how you can experience more sweetness. Ask yourself what you need to do to experience more connection, more love, more intimacy, and quality time with people who make you feel good. If it’s dairy, ask yourself how you can experience more serenity, more self care, bubble baths, candles, meditation, vacation/holiday time, whatever healthy forms of decompression make you feel most contented.

Curbing chocolate cravings

When we’re consuming junk, we develop an addiction cycle where our bodies continue to crave it. However, when we start detoxifying our bodies, we start to be able to hear our true cravings. At this point, we begin to recognize that our bodies are craving what we’re lacking.

If you’re craving chocolate, it can be a sign of sugar addiction, especially if you haven’t cut down on/detoxed from sugar either for a while or ever. (I’ll cover this more in a separate post.) But, whether you’re addicted to sugar or not, chocolate cravings can also be a hint your body’s low on magnesium. Dark chocolate especially is a good source of magnesium, so your body might tell you that you need it. But it’s not the only source, you can satisfy the root of the craving with multiple options: dark leafy greens, nuts, seeds, fish, beans, avocado, bananas for example, as well as topping up with magnesium supplements. If you’re in doubt about your vitamin levels or concerned about deficiencies, it’s worth asking your doctor for a nutrition blood test, especially if you’ve never had one before.

I never used to like mushrooms, as a child I decided they were far too similar to slugs for my liking. But we developed a friendship last year, and now I love them dearly! And I’ve noticed I’ve been craving them the last few weeks. Why? They’re an amazing source of vitamin D and it’s dark right now for many of us so we’re getting less vitamin D naturally from the sunlight. I’ve been taking supplements but nothing beats the real stuff.

Our bodies are so smart.

What food are you craving right now?

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