Executive coaching helps leaders increase their effectiveness via a private, structured and proven process in which we uncover exactly what is working right now, and what needs to be tweaked or fundamentally overhauled.
It might be a single relationship (for example with a colleague, superior or subordinate), or an entire area of life (such as health and wellbeing, finances or leisure). We look at both what’s going on externally, and what’s taking place internally in the executive – what thoughts, feelings, emotions and beliefs are working and not working.
Then, through expert coaching, and with me specifically through my unique 360 Degree Coherence Method, we work on optimising each of these areas, one by one.
What’s different about the way I coach, compared to many executive coaches, is that I recognise that non-work areas (for example home, exercise, and family life) can have a profound effect on performance in business, so it’s important to look at these. I regularly get feedback from executives that they are getting much more out of coaching with me than they have from previous coaches in part for this reason.
It might seem counterintuitive to improve business performance by looking at an executive’s personal life, but they’re inextricably bound. It also means that then, when we’re discussing issues and opportunities in business, we’re coming at it from a much stronger and more unshakeable foundation. Leaders are capable of huge resilience, but they’re not robots!
One of the themes I’ve noticed with my executive coaching clients is that they often come to me struggling with burnout.
Now how do you know if you’re burnt out? When you’re extremely busy, it’s easy to be so focused on powering through your epically long to do list, that you actively ignore how you feeling, either physically or emotionally (or both).
But there are some signs you won’t be able to escape.
Mental fog is one of the first and most inescapable signs of burnout. If you find yourself reading the same page or email five times, and still having no idea what it said, it’s a key sign you’ve spent too long in fight or flight and it’s affecting your ability to think clearly. While society and technology has evolved dramatically over the last thousand years, our brains have actually evolved very little. And our primitive fight or flight response was designed thousands of years ago to enable us to spring into physical action in order to fight head on, or run away from a predator like a hungry tiger or a rival tribe.
In such moments, our primitive systems class intellectual ability as secondary to peak physical performance. Our bodies don’t differentiate between a stressor that requires physical exercise and one that requires mental exertion. So when we get very stressed by anything, our fight or flight response is triggered and we get a build up of cortisol (the hormone designed to help us flee, and fast!). Without the relevant physical release (running away, or fighting), the cortisol remains in our system, and the more it builds up, the more stressed we become, which gradually leads to mental fog, unexplained weight gain around the middle, irritability, exhaustion, reduced immunity and other symptoms. We are simply not designed to be stressed for prolonged and continuous periods.
I experienced burnout myself six years ago. I went to my GP complaining of mental fogginess that had begun impeding my work, and exhaustion that never seemed to abate. He referred me for a brain scan as he was concerned I might have a tumour. The brain scan came back fine, but my symptoms matched those of severe burnout. It was a huge wake up call, and I went on to seek various solutions until my acuity returned.
Many of the clients I work with now come to me suffering from burnout, even if they haven’t realised it yet and they think they’re coming to me for a different reason. But they usually know something’s not right and they’re not as sharp as they’re used to, even if nobody else has noticed it yet and their primary concern is elsewhere!
Stay tuned for other common signs of burnout which I’ll be sharing soon.
In the meantime, if you think you might be experiencing burnout, send me a message to arrange a complimentary consultation and find out how I can help you further.
Global Success Coach for Visionary Executives & Entrepreneurs
Do you know the feeling, when you almost can’t breathe?
Your mind is racing, your heart is racing, your muscles are tense and your throat is tight.
It’s like someone or something – perhaps even life in fact – is choking you.
Slowly but ever so surely.
Someone who cares sees the alarm in your eyes, and asks if you’re ok. You say you’re fine, even though you’re not. And you keep on trucking.
Ploughing through a life that looks good, great even, on the outside, but on the inside feels like a glorified prison.
You are constantly doing things because you think you “should”, because others, or what you think is your own voice, but you know really isn’t, SAYS you should.
And there is a feeling of constant guilt, because you can never fully please everyone, let alone yourself!
You feel the pull of what your soul really wants, then promptly ignore it, push it away, push it down, sticking to your rational pre-conceived plans and ideas. The “shoulds”.
Then it comes back up again. You push it down again.
Maybe with food, with work, with distraction information/media, shopping, sex, super intense workouts, whatever is available in the moment.
And the hollowness only deepens. You wonder if anyone else can see it, if they’ve noticed the change in you.
Or if it’s only you who feels it following you around, like an inescapable shadow.
The truth is, the anxiety, the hollowness, it’s all a gift.
It’s a calling, telling you to wake the up, stop f***ing around, pretending, and do what you’re really here to do.
To step into your power and your full potential.
IT’S TIME TO STOP PRETENDING.
It’s time to get out of your head and into flow.
It’s time to step into your power.
And not the kind of power that just looks good on paper, but the kind that FEELS LIKE MAGIC.
That ignites and engages every cell in your body and every facet of your soul.
Imagine being able to make ALL your decisions and choices based not on what you think you should do, or chose yesterday, or what looks good on paper, but what you actually crave and deeply desire.
And pssst… want to know the paradox? You’ll end up looking better on paper too. Ha!
There is SO much FIRE and wisdom and flow inside you that you’re not currently accessing or receiving, because you’ve spent far too long now saying f*** you to it.
If someone kept knocking at your door and you kept saying f*** you, do you think they would keep coming back?
Here are some of the messages you might have been hearing but doing your best to pretend not to (or straight up saying f*** you to):
THIS IS NOT YOUR PASSION.
THIS BUSINESS/JOB IS NOT FOR YOU.
YOU DON’T BELONG AT THIS/A DESK.
THAT PERSON YOU’RE JEALOUS OF – IT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE MEANT TO BE DOING THAT TOO.
YOU ARE WORTHY OF YOUR DREAMS.
THIS RELATIONSHIP IS NOT FOR YOU.
THIS RELATIONSHIP IS AN EPIC IDEA EVEN IF IT TERRIFIES YOU.
YOU BELONG ON THAT STAGE.
THIS FRIEND LOOKS GREAT ON PAPER BUT IS IN ACTUAL FACT NOT FOR YOU AND SUCKS THE LIFE OUT OF YOU.
THIS FRIEND IS A BEAUTIFUL HUMAN BEING WHO ADORES YOU; THIS FEELS GOOD.
IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOU’VE KNOWN THIS PERSON FIVE MINUTES THEY’RE AMAZING AND YOU NEED TO SPEND MORE TIME TOGETHER.
YOU ARE HERE TO WRITE THAT BOOK. TO SHARE YOUR MESSAGE, WIDE AND FAR.
WHAT YOU REALLY NEED RIGHT NOW IS YOGA/LOVE/SEX/FRESH AIR.
YOU NEED TO TAKE A BREAK AND A WALK IN NATURE AND LISTEN TO THE BIRDS SINGING.
DON’T EAT THAT SH*T, EAT THIS GOODNESS!
STOP RESISTING YOUR POWER.
IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO RISE.
YOU ARE DESTINED FOR SO. MUCH. MORE. DON’T YOU SEE?
And then when you refuse to listen, after not very long:
* Your body hurts
* You feel heavy
* You feel anxious
* You feel uninspired
* You feel inexplicably tired, even if you’ve had loads of sleep
* That amazing sparkle in your eyes dims and you find yourself looking at the floor more instead of the sky – literally and metaphorically – and feeling less optimistic
* You get sick often, and over time chronic illnesses may emerge (visible or invisible)
* You find yourself snapping at people and perhaps even getting downright angry and resentful
* Your creativity appears to have died, and your amazing ideas stop flowing
* You start to droop like a sad dehydrated flower, both physically and spiritually
* The magic of flow eludes you
* You wonder if THIS I really it? If this is all there is?
How do I know? Because for years this was my life, even when it didn’t appear so on the outside.
I too ignored the nudges. Over, and over, and over, and over.
Until I didn’t.
I decided enough was enough, and I began to tune in and step into flow…
More, and more, and more, until I got my Definitely Definitely life. In all areas.
And I know what it takes to get you there too. And what’s available to you on the other side.
Here’s what is available to you when you get into Flow:
* Your body feels amazing all the time, the kind of amazing you used to only feel on holiday
* You eat from the soul and eat only things that make you feel amazing, including entirely random things at times just because your soul said so
* You stop craving anything that doesn’t deeply nourish you: food, experiences, people, environments, anything
* You have more energy than you’ve ever had in your life!
* You magnetise your soulmate people, all over the place, including in the most unexpected and mundane of places, they just keep appearing
* You effortlessly repel people who are not a fit for you and healthy boundaries become SO easy and guilt-free for you
* You get huge and powerful hits of inspiration, flow, creativity and freedom
* You are able to create the situations, experiences and results you REALLY WANT TO CREATE, and 10X faster than ever
* You are an epically inspiring leader, even when you’re not trying or think you’re just chilling
* You stop having to force things or to try so hard to get any given result
* You make more money, and have way more fun doing so
* You feel free in a way you’ve never felt before, like you’ve spent all of your life prior in a prison and now you’re dancing through the meadows like a newly liberated lamb that’s just found its footing
* You are inspired, ignited and UNLEASHED
* You get the life OF YOUR DREAMS
Are you ready for the life of your dreams?
My Definitely Definitely Flow program kicks off July 14th and is for you if you’re yearning for FREEDOM, FLOW AND IMPACT LIKE NEVER BEFORE.
Work with me personally for 4 weeks to harness your power, liberate yourself from the confines of what you think you “should” do, release anxiety, and start creating what your body and soul are truly hungry for, guilt free.
Start jumping out of bed in the morning and feeling fully ignited and on fire, for possibly the first time ever.
It’s what you’re here for and it’s what’s been calling to you all this time.
Message me for details and to learn how to get in.
Spots are limited as you get private client access to me throughout, so message me quickly!
You have a special magic unlike anyone else’s. A unique way of being, a unique blend of knowledge, skills, experience and character that not a single other person on earth has.
There are people who might hear a similar message to yours or see a product or service like yours offered by someone else, but it won’t resonate with them, simply because that person isn’t you.
THE WORLD NEEDS YOU to share your magic and your creations. The universe wants you to turn your magic into products and/or services that you provide to other people in exchange for energy (money).
I see so many people not monetising their magic or not monetising it to the extent they could, because of old inherited beliefs and stories about money.
Money is just energy. And energy is beautiful. Therefore money is beautiful. You give a beautiful thing (your gifts, in whatever form you choose to deliver them in), and you receive a beautiful thing in return. It’s so simple and glorious.
It is not evil or bad to monetise your magic. It is beautiful and the natural way of things. It is what the universe has intended for you all along. You are here for a special purpose, and you’re here to monetise it.
And if you don’t know what your special thing is yet. That’s ok too. But it doesn’t mean you don’t have one!
Whether you’re not sure or you are (but you enjoy considering new possibilities regardless)…
Here are some powerful questions to consider:
– What’s the thing you love so much you do it without even thinking and it (at this point at least) comes so easily and naturally to you?
– What’s the thing you are ridiculously and obsessively nerdy about and time disappears when you’re doing it or learning about it?
– What’s the thing you do for fun and for friends for free without even thinking that it could be an actual business or product?
– And if you were to actually sell it, what could that product be called and how might you package and price it and for whom?
To discuss how I can help you monetise your magic most effectively, book a complimentary call with me at www.definitelydefinitely.com
This article is about the darkness behind the scenes of success, that hardly anybody talks about. It is inspired by the sad suicide of Kate Spade yesterday.
It’s easy to assume that when someone has a life that looks shiny and beautiful on the outside… One where certain external and objective measures of success have been met. That they surely, SURELY they will be happy on the outside.
And that if they are not, they are surely a tragically ungrateful or broken anomaly.
This is one of the most flawed and pervasive assumptions in existence.
We apply it to others, and so too to ourselves in moments of weakness. When I have X, then I’ll feel amazing. That person has X, so they must be feeling amazing. Or, I have X, so I have to feel amazing every day! Or even, I had X, and now I don’t have X, so how can I possibly feel amazing?!
This is so far from the truth.
In reality, I’ve noticed a few things about human beings, in particular high and super-high achievers, that are relevant here.
One, is that the higher one rises, the higher the stakes are, the higher the standards, the bigger the decisions, the smaller the margin for error, and the more likely one becomes to experience inner turmoil that are often bound to these concerns. The turmoil is not a necessity or an inevitability, but it is a very real risk. And without established outlets, such as nourishing routines and rituals to balance the body and mind, and a dedicated, trusted confidant who one can confide in with no fear of judgment or recrimination – this pressure can build and build to the point of self-destruction.
The second, is that life consists of multiple areas and facets. And, you guessed it, some sense of balance is integral to happiness. Some areas and facets are not visible externally, in particular the areas of mindset, beliefs, creative fulfilment and the intricacies of personal relationships. And when these are out of whack, it doesn’t matter how great the other areas are. One can feel utterly hopeless and lost. I have had CEOs of major global corporations crying down the phone to me because there are beliefs or areas behind the scenes that aren’t working that no one else close to them has any idea about. But *they* have been feeling the pain daily. The heaviness, the darkness and the artificial – yet palpable – sense of constraint.
Thirdly, I’ve also noticed that not all – but many – high achievers seek – originally at least – to achieve in order to feel good about themselves or to obtain approval from caregivers they didn’t feel approved of by. They feel a fundamental “not enoughness” and it is a huge component to their extraordinary drive to do and be more. This pattern of achieving is both addictive, and never, ever satisfied. It’s no secret that many super achievers come from challenging backgrounds where they sought both to transcend their original circumstances and also validation in the absence of it being present during their childhood.
Challenging backgrounds can be financial, emotional, physical, sexual, you never know what has gone on behind the scenes of a person’s youth. But when drive comes from this place, one can then of course go on to achieve huge amounts, but if the underlying feeling of invalidation is not rectified, cycles of crippling self doubt will continue to pervade. From this place, you might have a bad day, month or year, or one or two areas of life may be out of whack, and in your eyes, you become worthless. I’ve worked with many exceptional achievers who under the surface have crippling self doubt and insecurity to cure these kind of cycles.
Furthermore, the same high standards that drive super-achieving are the same high standards that, can – left unchecked – make us unrelenting with ourselves and others, such that nothing is ever fully good enough. Like an inner hungry, angry lion that can never be satiated and yet continues to hunt for more and more and more prey, wreaking destruction and chaos along the way.
Wherever one’s concerns are coming from, however deep and unavoidable they may feel, they can be mitigated. The importance of nurturing our psychological and spiritual selves, and having confidants to rely on cannot be emphasised enough. I know for myself, without my partner, my coaches and advisors, I would not feel the sense of steadiness or serenity I do amidst the entrepreneurial rollercoaster and all that I’m up to.
The darkness behind the scenes is actually the number one reason I started Definitely Definitely, to help people have an internal experience of life that matches the outsides – and so to, to have outsides that don’t just look great but are exactly what THEY desire and yearn for. And not just what they desired last year, last month, or last decade, in a totally different space and time, from ego or fear, or any other form of projection, but what they authentically desire now, on a deep soul level. It has expanded to so much more, but this remains – and will continue to remain – my number one priority with any work that we do.
If you’d like to have a chat about your goals and what coaching can do for you, book a call in my calendar here.
Many people like to say that overwhelm is a result of doing too many things, ALL of the things even, and never stopping for a breath.
But I’ve noticed something altogether different.
I’ve noticed it’s not actually about the quantity of things you’re doing at all. Sure, doing a million things lacks selectiveness which is essential to a live of thrival. But fundamentally I’ve noticed that it’s never about doing a million things. A number of things only start to feel like a million things, when we’re doing the wrong things. Things that aren’t Definitely Definitelys.
Overwhelm comes up simply when situations start to amass where we haven’t actually listened to what our soul wants to do, but instead we’ve gone along with what we said we’d do or think we should do, or with what the loudest shouting person says they need us to do.
Every time you feel something, good or bad, and you ignore it, and take the opposite action, pushing your feelings down, rejecting them, your soul wails. Weakens. Dims its sparkle. Often silently, for a while. Until suddenly it’s yelling. At the smallest thing. At people you love. And then you’re being who you sure as hell don’t want to be, eating what you don’t really want to eat, taking misaligned actions all over the place, and wondering what happened to the real you? Where did the real you go?
And the more situations where you haven’t expressed yourself or acted in alignment in a given day, week, month, or year, the more the bank of evidence that you do not actually honour or fully respect your feelings or desires, and the more the overwhelm you will feel – in direct correlation – and the more out of alignment your actions will continue to be.
Until that is, you choose to wake up – fully – and decide enough is enough. That you are worthy of a life filled to the brim with Definitely Definitelys, and nothing but them.
And when you do, sure enough after a while, you find yourself in a life when you’re doing only things that you WANT to be doing, only the things that feel aligned. And it really doesn’t matter how much you’re doing. You can be busier than ever, but feeling zero overwhelm. In pure flow. Actually feeling and noticing that the more you do, the more ignited you feel, because every single thing is a hell yes and feeds you, creating a positive feedback loop.
Expressing – and then taking aligned action – on your truth is the number one most essential adjustment to eliminating overwhelm. Saying yes to what you really want to say yes to, and saying no to what you really want to say no to.
If it’s still fairly new to you, as it was to me four years ago, I recommend starting with writing. In the morning, write out what you’re feeling and what you really want to create. Write out anything you feel worried about or that doesn’t feel in alignment (anything that isn’t a Definitely Definitely). Anything that in an ideal world, you wouldn’t be doing anymore.
You won’t necessarily be able to cut out all the the things you want to immediately, it can take time, but even just letting yourself feel what you feel will start to provide a healing release that will shift your energy enormously, and enable you to put the building blocks in place to move away from anything you want to. Which, by the way, can happen faster than you can possibly imagine right now.
Then, practice expressing yourself about both everything you’re delighted about and everything that doesn’t work for you during the day – and in the moment. (Or for older issues that are not yet resolved, ASAP.) This is a muscle that gets stronger and stronger the more you use it.
Then in the evening, reflect again on what worked and didn’t work, what you’d do differently and say yes or no to if you were to start the day again, and start again tomorrow!
P.S. I’m kicking off something I’ve been thinking about for a while that feels sooooooo good (a total Definitely Definitely): a magical in-person mastermind for founders in London to get together every month for amazing food, accountability, problem solving and co-creating. Send me a direct message me if this is speaking to you.
Are you should-ing on yourself this week?
Telling yourself you “should” keep doing what you’re doing.
That you “should” have that meeting, call that person, tick that thing off your list, tick all of the things off your list.
That you “should” be grateful for what you have.
That you “should” answer every single call and email that comes in instantaneously, while also juggling what you actually planned to get done.
That you “should” be more excited about your day, your business, your life.
That you “should” be able to be in the moment more.
That you “shouldn’t” be too bossy, or too provocative.
That you “shouldn’t” share what you really think.
That you “shouldn’t” rock the boat or cause offence.
That you “shouldn’t” dream too big or get too big for your boots.
That you “shouldn’t” be greedy.
That you “should” be able to settle and enjoy what you have.
But also that you “should” be a multi-millionaire or billionaire by now.
That you “should” do X, Y, Z today. The same things you always do. That just don’t excite you anymore. And you “should” still enjoy them, but clearly there’s something wrong with you?
Here’s the thing.
Shoulding on yourself is EXHAUSTING. It literally slowly but very surely kills your body and soul.
Shoulding is not energising or activating or alivening. It’s heavy, dark, and steeped in obligation rather than inspiration.
The only things you actually NEED to do are eat, sleep, breathe and pay your bills. And if you’re a parent, to also look after your children.
Everything else is a CHOICE. How you make the money to pay your bills. What you eat, where and how, what air you breathe, where you sleep, and who with, etc.
Shoulds are wholly unnecessary.
Us human beings are very good at convincing ourselves that we’re stuck. And it’s just a huge inauthenticity. Unless you’re in prison superglued to the floor, you’re not stuck.
I spent a long time shoulding on myself then wondering why I felt tired and heavy no matter how much yoga I did or green juice I drank.
Guess what, it was all that damn shoulding!
For example, I LOVED living in New York City, which I did for two and a half years. But I also knew that while I often enjoyed and was enormously grateful for my job and many of my colleagues, by the two year point, the trajectory I was on wasn’t for me anymore. I loved being intellectual and strategic but I also wanted to use my intuition and sensitivity more, and mostly I had to switch them off to be effective in the corporate world. I also knew my future husband wasn’t there, he was in London, and that my family needed me.
When I stopped telling myself I “should” stay, and “should” still be in love with my life, and instead let myself feel what I actually felt, it was like a ten ton weight lifted off me.
A self-inflicted one.
I felt like a bird flying for the first time, when she’s only ever walked, but thought she’d been flying.
As I released myself from the prison of “shoulds”, which I’d created myself, and started creating what I actually yearned for and desired, I got to feel and notice and intuit and CREATE more and more and more of what I really wanted. It was a huge snowball effect.
My brain started working even more effectively. My creativity and ingenuity began flowing. I gained access to skills and resources I didn’t even know I had before. I became more open, patient and loving, both with myself and others.
And from there everything I’d ever desired began to flow. Easily and naturally. No pushing. No hustling. No shoulding. Just flow.
Of course I still have to catch myself sometimes, noticing a “should” thought creeping up, and promptly blitz and replace it. But I’m certainly not living in Should Prison anymore. And I have to tell you, it’s amazing.
Are you living in Should Prison? Externally appearing to be free but inside, feeling constrained and constricted?
Enough is enough. 🚫
I’m doing something really exciting I’ve never done before for leaders yearning for freedom and flow and impact like never before.
Work with me for 4 weeks to plan your escape, liberate yourself from the confines of what you think you “should” do, and start creating what your body and soul are truly hungry for.
Send me a direct message for details and the investment information. Spots are limited as the programme includes unlimited access to me, so message quickly! We start in just under two weeks.
One of the most important parts of my work is to constantly notice where my clients are putting themselves in boxes – and then to duly help them crack open those boxes, jump onto of those boxes, collapse those boxes, and then to pop them in the recycling, do a happy dance together and plan for even bigger goals.
So too, to continually notice where *I* am putting myself in any boxes, and to extract myself promptly.
Here are a few of the boxes I’ve put myself in over the years:
*The “employee” box. i.e. I can only be an employee.
* The “single” box. i.e. I can only be single during this time.
* The “unlovable” box i.e. I am only worthy of relationships where people like me, but don’t deeply adore me.
* The “marketing” box. i.e. I can only work in marketing.
* The “I can only work from X” box. i.e. I can only work/be productive from my desk.
* The “I can only eat paleo” box.
* The “I can only be happy in Manhattan” box.
* and so many more
Of course I’ve broken free of each of these self-imposed boxes now, but for the longest time I didn’t even realise they were self-imposed. Their restrictiveness felt so real, so inevitable. So unshake-off-able.
So just a reminder, you are NOT box shaped. You are an infinite human being with your own unique shape and capacity to create an imprint in the world totally individual to you.
Where have you been putting yourself in a box? Be kind to yourself when reflecting on this, we all do it, the key isn’t to never do it, it’s to notice and break free ASAP.
There have been many moments in my life where I have had an experience or insight that has lead me to feeling jolted awake, as though awakening for the very first time, and wondering how I ever thought I was anything other than asleep prior.
Each time, I smile to myself wryly and laugh at the infinite layers available in the onion of life. The more we grow, the more we realise just how much more room is still left to grow; infinite space in fact.
I’ve been experiencing these moments in particularly high concentration over the last eight weeks while embarking on a new program with Landmark Education, alongside various other experiences. Each more elucidating than the last, yet in such fast succession that I have wondered at times if I am dreaming.
In pursuit of accelerated impact, I have been seeking out uncomfortable situations and conversations. I have become aware of all the times and places my unspoken goal was the polar opposite; to remain comfortable and safe. And with practice, my habitual resistance to anything else is becoming less and less, and stark realisations keep appearing.
Realisations of all of the stories I’ve ever told myself about why I couldn’t do or say something, why I didn’t want to, why it wasn’t safe or ideal to, or what was going on with someone else. All the times I’ve played small, even the ones I’d pushed deep into my subconscious, right from my early years to the present.
Letting go of remaining concerns about being perfect or imperfect, and instead choosing love, compassion and contribution. Making decisions from there, and becoming more and more open to operating way beyond my comfort zone. Knowing comfort is not the goal, and my passion for mass contribution is far more significant than any residual fear. That the path I’ve chosen is not supposed to be one of comfort.
I feel my world expanding with each choice I make to acknowledge and address each and every remaining cobweb in the realm of my consciousness and existence, and that of humanity, rather than speeding past in ignorance. Each choice to consciously and powerfully forge ahead, rather than being at the effect of any inner voice doubting my readiness.
My message is this. The value in acknowledging these subtleties in consciousness and any and all things that haven’t worked in our past or are blocking our future is not to be underestimated. It’s not just ok to do so, I’ve come to realise it’s absolutely essential if you’re to shed everything you’re not and become an unleashed version of who you truly are.
We all have these things: niggly beliefs that were formed long ago, hidden under the surface and not yet corrected; actions we’ve taken in the past that haven’t aligned with our intentions; areas of life or people we’ve neglected without intending to nor realising.
Former blind spots that from a new vantage point we come to see so clearly and wish to and can make good on. The pursuit of expansion isn’t as simple as improving once and BOOM, never having to do any work on ourselves again. It’s a continuum. One of ever increasing awareness.
The goal isn’t never again having misalignments, not noticing them, or pretending they don’t exist. The goal is simply to *not* leave them untouched, gathering dust or snowballing, but instead to bring them into the light. To welcome them and to work with them. To transform them.
These moments of illumination and clarity are rarely comfortable, but they are truly extraordinary. Both inherently and in what they make available to us both as individuals and communities.
Here’s to choosing to turn the light on. Again, and again, and again.
I’d love to know about your reflections on continuous personal development in the comments. Book a consultation with me to find out how I can help you illuminate your blind spots to become even more brilliant.
We’ve just passed the midway point of the 2017, and it’s an ideal opportunity to assess how you’re doing against your goals for the year. If you’ve already smashed your annual goals way ahead of target, it’s an opportunity to set more or bigger goals. On the other hand, if there are any you haven’t met yet, it’s time to question what you need to do differently in order to make them happen.
One of the big factors (and game changers) I’ve found both with myself and my clients that determines whether our goals become reality or not, is the state of energy we’re in. When we’re in our optimal energy physically and mentally, everything flows more easily. We bounce out of bed more easily, we face challenges more easily, and our well of patience and compassion is fuller.
There are many components to great energy, and one of the most fast acting changes to implement for enhanced energy is optimising how we start our day. Until around 18 months ago, mornings for me were all about waking up at the last possible moment, jumping straight in the shower and running out the door around 7 minutes later, often without breakfast. For some time, I was eating all three meals in the office Monday to Friday.
One day, I was rushing through Grand Central on the way to my office in midtown Manhattan in New York City, and I decided I didn’t want to start my days like this anymore. I didn’t want to start them frantic and rushing. I wanted to make mornings more intentional and relaxed, to have time to gather my thoughts, to connect with what I really wanted, and to start as I meant to go on.
I started experimenting with a more conscious morning routine.
I had started listening to the popular podcast “The School of Greatness” by Lewis Howes, and had picked up some great pearls of wisdom on starting the day the right way. Including, first and foremost, being sure to always make one’s bed, even if you were the only one to see it.
Following are a few of the morning rituals I’ve found work best for me, and that many other successful people rely on. But I encourage you to experiment with different habits and timings to work out what feels right for you; everyone’s different and there’s no shame in that. An important consideration when planning out or experimenting with your morning ritual is to avoid comparison at all costs.
1. Aim to rise at the same time every day
And get up as soon as your first alarm goes off. Get a vibrating alarm clock if you need to, or one that emulates sunrise and birdsong for a more natural experience. Although if you rise at the same time every day, and you’re getting adequate sleep, you may find that you don’t need an alarm at all.
2. Make your bed immediately, no matter what.
This may seem trivial, particularly if you live alone, but beginning your day with intentionality and attention to detail sets off a powerful ripple effect that permeates your entire day. Take it from a Navy Seal Commander: “It’s good to start off with a simple task that moves you forward.”
3. Drink a glass of water with a slice of fresh lemon in.
Lemon water aids with digestion, detoxification, rejuvenates your skin and body, boosts your energy and mood (without the caffeine crash of coffee), and provides a great vitamin and immune boost. Lemons also contain pectin which helps to stave off cravings and help you feel fuller.
4. Meditate for 5-15 minutes.
The benefits of meditation are numerous, in including relief from stress and anxiety, decreased blood pressure and increased production of anti-aging hormone DHEA(!!). You might decide sitting in silence works best for you, just tuning into your breath and noticing any thoughts come up and letting them drift away, or you might prefer to use an app like Calm or Headspace. I have found 5-15 minutes to be the sweet spot, much longer and I can find myself feeling a little too relaxed, but if you’re particularly stressed longer can be beneficial, and you may prefer to meditate in the evening either instead or in addition.
5. Go to the gym or for an outdoor workout.
Getting exercise done first thing in the morning means you can avoid potential procrastination later, both because there tend to be less distractions earlier in the day, and because we tend to feel more tired as the day goes on. Personally, I’ve also found my mind is more proactive but less noisy first thing in the morning, so all those rational reasons that come up as to why it can wait until later or tomorrow or why it’s less of a priority than other urgencies are much quieter. If Obama could make time to work outwhile serving as President of the USA, we can all make it work. Bonus points if you listen to an inspiring podcast or classical music while working out.
6. Make a green juice.
Feature fresh leafy greens in your juice and eat some high quality proteinsuch as beans, eggs, fish or white meat. This will replenish your system, assist with muscle repair and give you a great energy boost, without the subsequent crash a carbohydrate heavy breakfast can lead to.
7. Eat some frogs.
Mark Twain famously said “If it’s your job to eat a frog, it’s best to do it first thing in the morning. And if it’s your job to eat two frogs, it’s best to eat the biggest one first.” Focusing on your least enjoyable yet high priority tasks first thing in the morning not only makes excellent use of the fresh well discipline you find yourself with at the beginning of a new day, but it can also reap a multiplier effect because the quality of your attention is stronger, and there are fewer distractions trying to pull you in other directions. Decision fatigue also sets in later in the day, so you’re much more likely to find yourself either struggling to make a decision with regards to a challenging task or project, or feeling the urge to delay it until tomorrow.
Developing a consistent and nourishing morning ritual has been a huge game changer for me.
It has amplified my physical and mental wellbeing, productivity, creativity and energy enormously. The key is to be open to experimentation and to paying attention to what works for you TODAY.
If something stops working for you, forget about analyzing why, just stop doing it and try something else. Your routine doesn’t need to be the same forever, and you don’t necessarily need to hit it in the same order or every item every single day, but conscious intentionality is key. Daily consistency also has the added benefit of breeding automatic habits that require less discipline to continue enforcing. Establishing an optimal start to your day is a commitment to yourself, to your productivity, and to those in your life to be your best self.
Other resources that will help you to establish positive habits that work best for you:
The Power Of Habit by Charless Duhigg
Tools Of Titans by Tim Ferris
Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod
What does your ideal morning look like? What have you tried, and what are you inspired to try? I’d love to hear in the comments.
I really don’t like the cold.
I’m the girl that spent an hour a day in the jacuzzi and sauna at Equinox during New York City winters.
And yet, I spent last week in Iceland.
And it was one of the best weeks of my entire life.
I also spent it with people who now live on a different continent from me.
But I still played full out. (Ok, except that one nap, haha!)
None of these things would have happened with my old mindset.
In my boxed mindset, the cold was a definitive no, and I wanted only to hang out with people who lived in proximity to me, and as a general rule I was scared of playing full out because it was risky. What if people didn’t like me? What if I was too loud? Too happy? Too playful? Too… different?
I don’t think that way anymore. I think outside the box. I don’t look for set criteria, except that whatever choices I make be a “definitely definitely” for me in that moment. There isn’t a checklist anymore. I listen to my intuition – my gut, my heart, I look out for the tingles, tummy flips and racing heart that tell me something’s a hell freaking yes. I’m not scared of showing up, and playing full out, because I know that when I do, my tribe will be magnetised to me, and others will quickly fall away, and that’s social natural selection at it’s finest.
This choice was a definitely definitely, because of the organisers (Ivy) and the incredible people attending. I know whenever I go to an Ivy event it’s going to be absolutely amazing. So, as with other choices I’ve made over the last year, I abandoned any bullshit criteria that would have weighed in previously and went. I’ve made some pretty scary but epic decisions in 2016, and this was definitely amongst the most epic.
What have you said no to recently that could have been magical but it didn’t quite fit your criteria? Will you consider saying yes next time? What have you said yes to that you wouldn’t have done previously? What magic happened? Email me, or comment below, I’d love to know.
P.S. One of the biggest contributors to me opening my mindset was my own experience of hypnotherapy. One of the many reasons I practice it with my clients now. To book a free discovery session – during which you’ll learn more about both coaching and hypnotherapy, and experience them first hand – just click here.