Enough Of The Should-ing

Are you should-ing on yourself this week?

Telling yourself you “should” keep doing what you’re doing.

That you “should” have that meeting, call that person, tick that thing off your list, tick all of the things off your list.

That you “should” be grateful for what you have.

That you “should” answer every single call and email that comes in instantaneously, while also juggling what you actually planned to get done.

That you “should” be more excited about your day, your business, your life.

That you “should” be able to be in the moment more.

That you “shouldn’t” be too bossy, or too provocative.

That you “shouldn’t” share what you really think.

That you “shouldn’t” rock the boat or cause offence.

That you “shouldn’t” dream too big or get too big for your boots.

That you “shouldn’t” be greedy.

That you “should” be able to settle and enjoy what you have.

But also that you “should” be a multi-millionaire or billionaire by now.

That you “should” do X, Y, Z today. The same things you always do. That just don’t excite you anymore. And you “should” still enjoy them, but clearly there’s something wrong with you?

Here’s the thing.

Shoulding on yourself is EXHAUSTING. It literally slowly but very surely kills your body and soul.

Shoulding is not energising or activating or alivening. It’s heavy, dark, and steeped in obligation rather than inspiration.

The only things you actually NEED to do are eat, sleep, breathe and pay your bills. And if you’re a parent, to also look after your children.

Everything else is a CHOICE. How you make the money to pay your bills. What you eat, where and how, what air you breathe, where you sleep, and who with, etc.

Shoulds are wholly unnecessary.

Us human beings are very good at convincing ourselves that we’re stuck. And it’s just a huge inauthenticity. Unless you’re in prison superglued to the floor, you’re not stuck.

I spent a long time shoulding on myself then wondering why I felt tired and heavy no matter how much yoga I did or green juice I drank.

Guess what, it was all that damn shoulding!

For example, I LOVED living in New York City, which I did for two and a half years. But I also knew that while I often enjoyed and was enormously grateful for my job and many of my colleagues, by the two year point, the trajectory I was on wasn’t for me anymore. I loved being intellectual and strategic but I also wanted to use my intuition and sensitivity more, and mostly I had to switch them off to be effective in the corporate world. I also knew my future husband wasn’t there, he was in London, and that my family needed me.

When I stopped telling myself I “should” stay, and “should” still be in love with my life, and instead let myself feel what I actually felt, it was like a ten ton weight lifted off me.

A self-inflicted one.

I felt like a bird flying for the first time, when she’s only ever walked, but thought she’d been flying.

As I released myself from the prison of “shoulds”, which I’d created myself, and started creating what I actually yearned for and desired, I got to feel and notice and intuit and CREATE more and more and more of what I really wanted. It was a huge snowball effect.

My brain started working even more effectively. My creativity and ingenuity began flowing. I gained access to skills and resources I didn’t even know I had before. I became more open, patient and loving, both with myself and others.

And from there everything I’d ever desired began to flow. Easily and naturally. No pushing. No hustling. No shoulding. Just flow.

Of course I still have to catch myself sometimes, noticing a “should” thought creeping up, and promptly blitz and replace it. But I’m certainly not living in Should Prison anymore. And I have to tell you, it’s amazing.

Are you living in Should Prison? Externally appearing to be free but inside, feeling constrained and constricted?

Enough is enough. 🚫

I’m doing something really exciting I’ve never done before for leaders yearning for freedom and flow and impact like never before.

Work with me for 4 weeks to plan your escape, liberate yourself from the confines of what you think you “should” do, and start creating what your body and soul are truly hungry for.

Send me a direct message for details and the investment information. Spots are limited as the programme includes unlimited access to me, so message quickly! We start in just under two weeks.

Jaimie

www.definitelydefinitely.com

Reach New Levels Of Performance Faster, Easier and With Less Effort

Imagine being able to tap into flow state instantaneously and to create bigger and better results from that space, every single day.

What would be possible if you started EVERY morning in peak state?

It’s possible, with my Millionaire Morning Meditation recording. This is something I created for my private clients and have never before made available to a wider audience.

Here are just a few of the benefits of this exclusive brain-training experience:

  • Develop deeper clarity, alignment and connection to your purpose to dramatically increase your focus and performance, from a place of serenity, not stress.
  • Melt away stress and overwhelm and remove subconscious blockers that are inadvertently impeding your progress.
  • Create the right energy, directed in the right places every morning.
  • Free yourself from the mental and energetic burdens that weigh you down and slow your progress, and power up so you can power through your day effectively.
Here’s to your success,
Jaimie
JAIMIE CROOKS HEADSHOT 4

Why the right actions mean sweet FA if you’re in the wrong energy

Highlights and Quotes from this video

“In many instances being in the right energy is way more important than the specific actions that you’re taking.”

“We can be chasing a goal. Chasing a desire. Taking all the right actions – on paper at least – but from resistance energy, from aggression energy, from forceful energy, for anxious energy, self destructive energy. And the result will not happen. It does not matter what actions you are taking.”

“You can have a business and you can be calling people all day every day to do business development activities. And you can have this, really great, perfect on paper script. But if your energy when you’re calling someone is not authentic. If your energy is not expansive and magnetic and if your energy doesn’t exude a certain passion for solving that person’s problems, you’re not going to get the result that you’re chasing.”

“When you’re in your really authentic energy, that’s when you are able to call in and magnetise what you desire effortlessly. Your kind of people. Your kind of friends, your kind of partner, your kind of clients you just drop in. You don’t have to search.”

“There is no area where the energy that you’re bringing does not have an impact on the outcome that you see.”

“You don’t have to be doing a million things, a day a hundred things a day, frantically checking through your to do list, thinking how can I do more more more! When you’re in the right energy, less is more.”

“I believe the secret to becoming a truly magnetic entrepreneur is identifying your authentic energy, nurturing it and ensuring the language you use to talk about your business matches it. You’ve got to make sure it’s really articulated and consistent in your actions and language.”

“The language that you use to talk about your business and what you believe in, what you stand for as a person and as a professional, are inextricably bound.”

“There’s so much value in getting genuinely interested in people. Not just pretend interested. Not just like hey, how’s it going, but genuinely interested. It’s such a worthwhile investment. Spend a few minutes really finding out how people are before you jump into whatever you want to jump in to. It might be a request, you might be sharing a business opportunity, sharing an investment opportunity, a date even. Whatever the context, it will pay off.”

“You might be single right now and you might be going on a different date every night. Or two dates every other night but you’re not getting anywhere. And you think to yourself, but I’m so great. I’ve got a great job. I’m funny and I’m witty. I like cool things. I dress nicely. Why is this not going anywhere? It’s usually because your energy is not there. What happens when you’re in your really authentic energy, when you’re in that energy that’s a really nice balance of being proactive, positive, grounded, balanced, that energy that’s most authentically you. That’s when you are able to call in and magnetise effortlessly. Your kind of people. Your kind of friends, your kind of partner, your kind of clients you just drop in. You don’t have to search. You don’t have to be doing a million things, a day a hundred things a day, frantically checking through your to do list, thinking how can I do more more more! When you’re in the right energy, less is more. You can go on one perfect date and end up in a relationship with that person for the rest of your life. You can go for one interview and secure that perfect dream job. You can meet one prospect for five minutes and end up with a dream client without even trying. You can do that one work out, from really great energy and it can have a way more profound effect on fat-burning and on your strength than a workout done from survival energy, from that energy where you’re working out because you hate your body or you’re stressed as hell. There is no area where the energy that you’re bringing does not have an impact on the outcome that you see.”

Jaimie recommends Bruce Schneider Energy Leadership.

What Are You Really Craving?

This post was originally published by me a year ago on Facebook, on 12 April 2017. Since it resonated with people so deeply, I’m reposting it here on my blog.

One of the markers you’re truly happy: you’re pulled only to food that’s great for you.

I’ve struggled with eating disorders since the age of 9. For much of that time I’d have irresistible food cravings, and I’d binge on sugar and dairy. For some of that time it was visible externally, but for much it wasn’t, because I’d cover it up with ridiculous amounts of exercise and fat burning supplements.

Now I’m a certified health coach, and for the last year (and for much of the last 4 years), I’ve eaten clean, fresh and often organic food most of the time. But for my first 3 months after returning to London from New York, I was struggling in silence with reverse culture shock, feeling isolated amidst the pressures of entrepreneurship and finding my feet again, and it happened again. Those insatiable urges. You’d think I’d never eaten before. And it finally really hit me.

Not just that positive emotions, relationships, purpose, balance, and time in nature are as much food as real food, but that very specifically, we’re pulled to sugar when we’re searching for emotional sweetness, and dairy for serenity – which is incredibly effective at alleviating anxiety.

Each time I’ve committed to finding ways to get more sweetness, more emotional connection and serenity in my life that don’t involve food, those food cravings have stopped. And as soon as I stop making my emotional needs a priority, they return.

If you’re craving bad food or even giving into it, whether for the first time or whether it’s so normal you barely even question it anymore, whatever you do don’t judge yourself. Look at yourself with the compassion you would show a friend and ask yourself what’s really going on. Go on an emotional treasure hunt. Ask yourself what’s really missing. Because it’s almost certainly not food.

And if it’s sugar, ask yourself how you can experience more sweetness. Ask yourself what you need to do to experience more connection, more love, more intimacy, and quality time with people who make you feel good. If it’s dairy, ask yourself how you can experience more serenity, more self care, bubble baths, candles, meditation, vacation/holiday time, whatever healthy forms of decompression make you feel most contented.

Are You Giving To Your Body, Or Simply Testing It?

Are You Giving To Your Body, Or Simply Testing It?“Yoga is something you give your body, not a test you give it or a hoop to make it jump through.”

On hearing these words from my yoga teacher yesterday at The Life Centre, I was reminded how much of the exercise I’ve done in my life has been to punish or to test my body.

To make it jump through hoops to prove itself.

What a way to relate to your forever home.

But for the last three years, it’s been different.

I’ve worked out because it feels good to.

Both mentally and physically.

I move because my body likes to move, to stretch, to feel unleashed and free.

I have come to genuinely love and adore my body.

It’s a continual commitment though, as opposed to a challenge surmounted once and never again.

Sometimes I notice myself talking sh*t to my body, or trying to make her do something she REALLY doesn’t want to do, and I have to catch myself and re-direct my intentions and actions.

Recently my body’s been saying no to a bunch of things, and I noticed myself getting frustrated.

Then I realised, is this helpful?

Is this honouring my body or encouraging her to play ball?

Is this inspiring a kind and mutually beneficial relationship?

If I spoke to a friend this way, would they feel loved and appreciated?

Turns out not. Definitely not to the degree that is in full alignment with the love and appreciation I truly have for my amazing body, my forever home.

So I choose love all over again.

I can’t promise I won’t slip up again, but I promise to notice and correct course quickly.

Not just for me, but for every body, because how we treat ourselves creates an energetic ripple effect in the world and sets the tone for everything else we do too.

So if you catch me saying anything impatient or unloving to my body, please throw tomatoes at me. You have my full permission.

What intention do you choose to set with your body?

Where Are You Putting Yourself In A Box?

One of the most important parts of my work is to constantly notice where my clients are putting themselves in boxes – and then to duly help them crack open those boxes, jump onto of those boxes, collapse those boxes, and then to pop them in the recycling, do a happy dance together and plan for even bigger goals.

So too, to continually notice where *I* am putting myself in any boxes, and to extract myself promptly.

Here are a few of the boxes I’ve put myself in over the years:

*The “employee” box. i.e. I can only be an employee.

* The “single” box. i.e. I can only be single during this time.

* The “unlovable” box i.e. I am only worthy of relationships where people like me, but don’t deeply adore me.

* The “marketing” box. i.e. I can only work in marketing.

* The “I can only work from X” box. i.e. I can only work/be productive from my desk.

* The “I can only eat paleo” box.

* The “I can only be happy in Manhattan” box.

* and so many more

Of course I’ve broken free of each of these self-imposed boxes now, but for the longest time I didn’t even realise they were self-imposed. Their restrictiveness felt so real, so inevitable. So unshake-off-able.

So just a reminder, you are NOT box shaped. You are an infinite human being with your own unique shape and capacity to create an imprint in the world totally individual to you.

Where have you been putting yourself in a box? Be kind to yourself when reflecting on this, we all do it, the key isn’t to never do it, it’s to notice and break free ASAP.

#downwithboxes